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Highs and lows.

Posted in Living, Mental Health by

Hello strangers, it’s been awhile.

I’ve half been busy living my life (I’m dating! Go figure!) and half been too embarrassed to write.

Honestly – I’ve been a sloth. I’ve been struggling with depression. I haven’t been sleeping. I’ve been struggling with eating (or not eating.) I haven’t been putting in the work, and I think it’s really messing up my mind. As good as you think you are, and as solid as you might be in your recovery, this month has really shaken me and shown me that something can happen and prove you wrong anytime. I can’t even pinpoint what it was. Maybe it was the re-breakup. Maybe it’s the weather or that person who cut me off in traffic two weeks ago or maybe it was stubbing my toe on Friday. Maybe the overwhelming feeling of dating is getting the best of me – I’m not sure. All I know is that I’ve been miserable lately, and I’m still not at the part of misery where I can make myself work the plan that I know makes me feel better. I’m close, but I’m probably not there yet. I need another few days in bed. It’s not glamorous, but I hate when bloggers try to sugarcoat things. Depression is real and it’s ugly, but you can fight it. I’m trying to fight it. I want to be an example.

Despite how I’ve been feeling, I’m trying to live my life. I’ve made it to the gym a few times. I’m dating a new guy. (Dating is expensive you guys, I didn’t know.)

With any luck, I’ll be back to regularly scheduled programming shortly.

October 31, 2013

2012 In Review: loss & changes

Posted in Living by

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January: Vacationed in Detroit with Sixx for my birthday, bought my Tiffany earrings, my baby niece is born / February: Finally got to see Ryan Star live, Sixx and I celebrate one official year together / March: I get to visit baby

DSC05623 NARM Music Biz 2012 Awards Tomorrow Night


April: We vacation in Chicago, I give my notice that I’m quitting the shitty job yay! / May: I quit the job, we fly to Los Angeles that night, Sixx gets his first tattoo in LA, I move home to my parents’ and he moves home to his in Ohio / June: my last ride on my favorite coaster before the park tore it down


July: I visit Ohio to see the boys play at Peabody’s and the Agora in Cleveland / August: Family vacation to Gatlinburg, TN, I travel for an interview and am offered the position the next day / September: I’m diagnosed with tendonitis, I move thirteen hours away, Sixx breaks up with me




October: I start running, work my first events at my new job, see Counting Crows at an outdoor venue in a hurricane / November: I fly home, my aunt passes away / December: I spent Christmas with my Ohio family, travel to NE Ohio to see Sixx

I’ve lived in pretty severe pain for most of the year. In September, the night before I made a 13-hour drive to move into my new home, I was diagnosed with tendonitis (in addition to the carpal tunnel syndrome I’ve had for years) and put into a partial cast. It hasn’t resolved in the subsequent months, unfortunately. In addition to that, I had a pretty sizeable filling come out in October, followed by the tooth cracking. (Sorry if that is squicky!) Sans insurance, it would have cost over $3,000 to fix immediately, so my dentist put a temporary fix in place. It’s held out so far, but the pain gets worse every day. My insurance kicks in tomorrow, and I’m hoping to finish all the work on Friday (at which point my entire FSA for the year may well be wiped out… but that’s what it’s for, I guess.)

I lost a lot this year. I lost my aunt. I lost my relationship. I lost friends, and I lost the comfort of home.

To be honest – the year was not great, but that means I have a lot to work at and improve on in 2013. I’m not big on resolutions – I’m not even big on “a new year is a clean slate!” because I think every day is a new chance, but I’m taking this round as a new shot. I’m going to work on knowing that I have enough. I want to call myself on my own bullshit (I’ve been doing this for a couple weeks, and things between Sixx and I have improved dramatically.) And I have all those financial goals as well – but there has to be a point where you take a step back and work on your own mental health. And this might be the year.

December 31, 2012

What’s Been Going On

Posted in Relationships by

As soon as I felt like I got my legs under me in a new place, Sixx dumped me – three weeks after I’d moved. We’d made a plan to make it work, and apparently it’s just not enough for him. So in lieu of talking shit, or feeling sorry for myself, I’m trying to just work on me. Which sucks, honestly. But I go to the gym twice a day, I binge on Glee (an improvement, since immediately after it happened I watched nothing but the saddest Grey’s Anatomy episodes over and over for a week. Not kidding.), and I’ve made some friends. My life can’t stay good for very long – there are a lot of health problems going on in my family and I feel like I’m just waiting for a call to go back north.

So, that’s what’s been going on. I’m not delving into shopping sprees, but I’m alsot not hoarding my cash. (I will be soon.) Money has been spent on moving and furnishing and plane tickets and gas.

October 14, 2012