I have a lot of “it’s real” moments. Most of them are funny or overdramatic – like when I saw the Glee episode “The Break Up.” It aired right around my breakup with Sixx (right around when I started running) and I thought “wow – it’s real.” (Funny now, was not funny at the time.) Or moments of adulthood, like when I received my college degree – “it’s real.” Through my running journey, I have had a TON of them – signing up for and completing my first race, turning down invites from friends getting race day info e-mails, things like that. Last night I got on a plane to get to my biggest “it’s real” moment yet – I’m here in Northwest Ohio, waiting for my first half marathon on Sunday.
I have a lot of feelings about it, but this seems to be the prevailing one: I’m scared. I’m scared that my training wasn’t enough since I got sick and injured two separate times during training and had to scale way back. I’m scared that I will be swept or that I won’t make it to 13.1 miles. (I know this will not be true as I felt great in my 10 mile run last week.) I’m scared that the Gu will make me sick (even though I’ve trained with it and other fuels and have a cast-iron stomach) or that I’ll have a sugar crash from Gatorade (even though I never have.) I’m scared I will get hurt in the race or embarrass myself in front of Sixx or Shannyn (who I am so excited will be there!) Or I’ll eat the wrong thing the night before, wear the wrong thing for the race. Or even that I’ll miss Gavin DeGraw’s performance, even though I have a storied history with his music.
I have packed everything in carry-ons and planned everything I can, from the Sweaty Band I’ll wear in the race to the clothes and flip flops I’ll wear after. I’m bringing a lot of food from home with me to reduce gastrointestinal problems since I hear that’s a common problem.
So even though I’m excited and packed and feel very ready – the fact that it now feels this real is terrifying to me. I’ve been conquering fear all throughout my running journey, so while I know this should be nothing new – it is, and it’s scary.
Here’s to looking fear in the face and hopefully kicking its booty!