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It’s Real.

I have a lot of “it’s real” moments. Most of them are funny or overdramatic – like when I saw the Glee episode “The Break Up.” It aired right around my breakup with Sixx (right around when I started running) and I thought “wow – it’s real.” (Funny now, was not funny at the time.) Or moments of adulthood, like when I received my college degree – “it’s real.” Through my running journey, I have had a TON of them – signing up for and completing my first race, turning down invites from friends getting race day info e-mails, things like that. Last night I got on a plane to get to my biggest “it’s real” moment yet – I’m here in Northwest Ohio, waiting for my first half marathon on Sunday.

real scared

I can’t find a picture of me on a plane so enjoy this one of the beautiful tunnel at DTW.

I have a lot of feelings about it, but this seems to be the prevailing one: I’m scared. I’m scared that my training wasn’t enough since I got sick and injured two separate times during training and had to scale way back. I’m scared that I will be swept or that I won’t make it to 13.1 miles. (I know this will not be true as I felt great in my 10 mile run last week.) I’m scared that the Gu will make me sick (even though I’ve trained with it and other fuels and have a cast-iron stomach) or that I’ll have a sugar crash from Gatorade (even though I never have.) I’m scared I will get hurt in the race or embarrass myself in front of Sixx or Shannyn (who I am so excited will be there!) Or I’ll eat the wrong thing the night before, wear the wrong thing for the race. Or even that I’ll miss Gavin DeGraw’s performance, even though I have a storied history with his music.

I have packed everything in carry-ons and planned everything I can, from the Sweaty Band I’ll wear in the race to the clothes and flip flops I’ll wear after. I’m bringing a lot of food from home with me to reduce gastrointestinal problems since I hear that’s a common problem.

So even though I’m excited and packed and feel very ready – the fact that it now feels this real is terrifying to me. I’ve been conquering fear all throughout my running journey, so while I know this should be nothing new – it is, and it’s scary.

Here’s to looking fear in the face and hopefully kicking its booty!

October 4, 2013

What’s Been Going On

Posted in Relationships by

As soon as I felt like I got my legs under me in a new place, Sixx dumped me – three weeks after I’d moved. We’d made a plan to make it work, and apparently it’s just not enough for him. So in lieu of talking shit, or feeling sorry for myself, I’m trying to just work on me. Which sucks, honestly. But I go to the gym twice a day, I binge on Glee (an improvement, since immediately after it happened I watched nothing but the saddest Grey’s Anatomy episodes over and over for a week. Not kidding.), and I’ve made some friends. My life can’t stay good for very long – there are a lot of health problems going on in my family and I feel like I’m just waiting for a call to go back north.

So, that’s what’s been going on. I’m not delving into shopping sprees, but I’m alsot not hoarding my cash. (I will be soon.) Money has been spent on moving and furnishing and plane tickets and gas.

October 14, 2012