“My Liver Is A Beet”: #BasicBitchesDoAJuiceCleanse

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My girlfriend and I did a juice cleanse last week. We ordered a StyleBlueprint voucher for my favorite Nashville juice bar, The Urban Juicer, and after some fumbles at the start (they aren’t great at answering their phones, and I may have gotten a little “angry mom” with them about insulated bags) we started on February 3. It’s important to me this year to try to reboot my health from head to toe and recover, so I thought this would be a great way to kickstart that. I also thought it would be fun to do a sort of running journal as we went to catalog how I feel and how things are going!


February 3, Day 1: I’m not too concerned about how this is going to go because I was a juicer for two years until my juicer broke and I’ve just never gotten around to replacing it. We drink six juices and one elixir every day for three days – standard juice cleanse stuff. The first juice of the day is my go-to every time we go to Urban – The Well Being.

The worst juice of the day by far was the Liver Lover. I wasn’t struggling with it as much as much as Ram, but I did partake in power hour with her (we put on a 90’s Power Hour mix on YouTube to make her get through it.) Drinking 6 juices per day is hard because it’s just so much – I feel like I’m just constantly drinking. I did get a headache on my drive home (though it could have been from ridiculous Nashville suburb traffic) and ripped through my bag to find the Lemon-Aid elixir, which is supposed to be good for aches.

All in all I’m feeling good and staying strong on day one!

Captain’s Log, 9:19pm: I am so tired but I have to stay awake to drink all this stupid juice.

February 4, Day 2: I wake up feeling good and ready to drink my hot water and lemon morning beverage. I’m a little bloated because this juice is lacking the amount of fiber I used to get in my homemade juices, but it’s all good. Today I’m moving through my juices much more quickly: where I had to stay up late last night to make sure I drank everything, I finished my last one before I left work at 10pm. The Liver Flush elixir made the Liver Lover juice slightly more palatable today. On day 2 I’m also noticing that I’m weirdly emotional, and I appear to stress/comfort eat much more than I realized. It was a really stressful day at work and there were so many appetizers left over from a party, it was really hard to say no, but I resisted.

7:46pm: “Desi, if we both eat a pita chip, it cancels each other out… right?” (Spoiler alert: we both ate a pita chip)

8:52pm: I realize that this cleanse is a lot like spending fasts. It doesn’t do any good if, at the end of it, you collapse totally.

February 5, Day 3: Day three is finally here! Soon I will be enjoying the sweet crunch of… something, I’m not sure what. I am not feeling the energy surge that many cleansers report, but I did wake up before the alarm, so maybe that’s something. My only real complaint on the final day is that I’m kind of tired of the same juices in the same order every day. I’m still super emotional and want to stress eat – I think the number one thing we have learned is that if you have a stressful job, start your cleanse on a Friday, so you can just be at home through the worst part. The cleanse definitely helped me kickstart my “healthier living” situation and break some bad habits – like I KNOW now that I don’t have to snack all day and I can stop myself, and it definitely showed me that I use food to cope much more than I realized. It got me in touch with my ~feelings in a way I didn’t anticipate.

2:34pm: Is this cleanse making us angry or are people making us angry?

7:37pm: I no longer have a liver. My liver has been replaced by beets.

My liver is a beet.

Have you ever done a juice cleanse?