so long, astoria
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The last few weeks have been a complete whirlwind. A brief recap:
June 26-29: visited friends in Nashville, interviewed for a job.
July 2-7: drove home to Michigan to exchange cars with my mom so my car could be repaired (it’s a long story as to why it has to be fixed up there, but at least I got to visit.) Spent quality time with Sixx again, went to a party in a lake (living the dream for a Michigan girl,) did some shopping with the family. I could say so much about this trip, it was EXACTLY what I needed, and we went back to our “ground zero” for the first time. I had always said that the only way I could go back was if he was with me, but I never thought the timing of us in the city again would work, but we were, and so we went. I’m very glad for that.
And looking forward, I’m heading back to Nash for a conference from July 15-20, then August 6-12 I will be back in Sevierville for family vacation. I will be thankful when summer is over simply because I feel like I live in my car now.
Which brings me to today: I was offered that position in Nashville, so I’m moving at month-end. I’ll have a week of family vacation between ending and starting dates, and I’m extremely panicked. About everything. But I’m trying to stay positive.
So now I’m a pile of nerves and plans and stress and sleepless nights, and second-guesses about everything. This is what anxiety does to you – it looks at the good things happening in your life and tries to strip them from you. “Sixx is on the road texting all these other girls, he’s just using you.” “You’re never going to be able to afford to move, much less live on your own in Nashville.” “You don’t deserve this job.” Anxiety just robs you of finding joy in great things, so I’m struggling moment to moment, but I’m managing. Today I’m excited, and this is the longest I have been excited without a moment of panic in the last two weeks, so I’m counting it as a win.