Music, Work Out

Weight Loss Psychology & Jealousy

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If I had all of the answers / and you had the body you wanted / would we love with a legendary fire?

When I started losing weight, I knew that it was as much psychological as it was physical. I knew that as my body was changing, my brain would start to see things that weren’t there (or not see things that were.) This is probably common sense – it’s not something someone needs to sit you down and tell you as you embark on a plan to shed pounds. I didn’t need to hear “hey! Your mind and your eyes aren’t always going to match what’s actually going on” – I knew that.

It took me eight months to feel like I saw any change in my body, really. I started really working out in October 2012 and it wasn’t until this May 2013 photo that I actually thought wow, something is happening here.

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Even though clothes were fitting better, or getting loose, I didn’t feel like I looked different. Which is, after all, the point of all of it. (For me anyway.) It seemed like I would be stagnant for months at a time, then every four months I would see another size lighter.

This week Timehop showed me a photo from two years ago. I had always thought that the photos from my California 2012 trip (shown here) were my “ew” pictures until I saw this one:

Some days I feel like I look the same as that February 2012 night. Sometimes I look at the baby-abs that appear to possibly be forming and think no, this can’t possibly be right. There are times where I’m discouraged and times where I’m angry and feel like I’m making no progress at all.

Today, I am jealous. I am jealous because one of my close friends had bariatric surgery and has lost over 100 pounds in, obviously, a short period of time. And I can’t help but be angry at the compliments she gets, and I can’t help but feeling like it’s cheating. Obviously diet and exercise alone doesn’t work for everyone and I know that. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting the quick fix and the lavish praise.

I know jealousy is ugly and it’s not something I’m particularly proud of, but today, that’s how I feel.