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Even though I have been running for over a year and am training for my first triathlon, I still don’t think of myself as an athlete. Or at least, I didn’t until last week. Sure, I’m competitive, but not overly so. I love training and running, and while I do tend to build my weeks around workouts, I never thought it would feel overly earth-shattering if I had to take a break.

Turns out, it is kind of earth-shattering.

Sometime in mid-December, I was feeling a twinge in my knee. I just figured it was runner’s knee (even though, at the time, I was focusing much more on lifting and cross-training). Since it wasn’t constant and was never uncomfortable enough for me to stop, I didn’t pay a lot of attention to it, just pretended it wasn’t there. I taped both knees up for Tink (as I always do during races) and it was fine. When I came back and started doing my BodyPUMP classes (2-3 times a week), the pain was finally unbearable. It got so bad that I actually had to leave during last Monday’s class, and I haven’t been back to the gym since.

I have a race this weekend, and even though I don’t typically feel the pain while running, I’m still scared. The plan was to go back today to my favorite BodySTEP class, but I’m nervous even of that now. The physical therapy exercises my doctor gave me are helping a little, but the pain got worse after I went in to see her. It’s just so frustrating to not be able to do something I want so badly to do. After years as a lazy couch potato, I finally just want to work out, and my body isn’t cooperating.

Yesterday, I was sitting in the bathroom on the phone with Sixx. I heard someone run past outside, doing laps around the concourse, and I just lost it.

So here I sit with ice on my knees, extra-large bottle of Ibuprofen at hand, just hoping for the best when I try to go to the gym tonight.