I lost some weight but now I don’t recognize myself.
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A weird thing has been happening lately.
When I first started working out and losing weight, I would notice it. I felt like what I was seeing in the mirror, was real life, was what photos looked like (for the most part.) In the last two months I haven’t been as diligent with running or what I’m eating – and if we’re fully disclosing, I gained about five pounds back when mom was visiting because I was on “vacation” too. The first time I really noticed significant loss was in a photo taken on Thanksgiving vacation:
My face looked so different than it ever had. I loved it. I noticed some weight loss in my waist, but I really wasn’t stressing too much over my body changing or not. I was feeling better and that’s what I focused on. There were some days where I was so frustrated that I hadn’t lost 40 or 50 pounds in one gym session, but I think I did (and still am) managing to not fixate – I have a tendency to do that. At any rate, I wasn’t seeing anything different in the mirror except my clavicles being more defined. Even through sizing down in clothes (I bought a SIZE MEDIUM shirt this weekend – folks, I’ve never worn a medium in my life) nothing seemed different. Until I took this photo yesterday.
Obviously, it’s me. But it was jarring to see. I look kind of tiny. Maybe it’s the angle or maybe it’s my hair or, or… but this picture is just not what I see in the mirror. I always thought that body dysmorphia was just something that anorexics and bulimics had – but maybe not.
I read a blurb on tumblr a few days ago about how the idea we have in our heads of how we actually look vs. how we think we look varies so greatly that if we saw a clone of ourselves on the street, we would not recognize that person. I didn’t really think too much of or about it, but maybe it’s at least a little true. I just wonder when the mirror will catch up with photos, or if I’m always going to look the same.
Have you experienced any body change or weight loss that your brain didn’t seem to accept? Is this a normal thing that happens to a lot of people?