The Lightbulb Moment: Moving
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I’ve been really struggling with what to do about moving – if I want to get a long lease here, go sublet to sublet, etc. I had this flash of what the *#$& are you thinking and I finally know what I need to do – it’s simply not working for me to be here. It’s just such a disconnect to have this job that I really like, but not be fulfilled in any other way (further proof that I’m just not a career girl.) This compounded when I was talking to my mom about my tooth – how I feel like I made the wrong decision allowing them to do the root canal instead of just taking it, etc. – and said that I feel like every decision I have made in the last year has been the wrong one. I have always thought that I was a very independent person, but it turns out that I need a support system near me. It’s been impossible to meet people here, and one of the three friends I had put some pretty serious doubt in my head, so I don’t even talk to her anymore. I thought I could tune all that out by living at work, but I basically did that in February, and all it did was make me tired. It turns out that I need my family, I need to be close to Sixx, I need people. It really annoys me to be one of those people.
So instead of devoting my time to finding an apartment, I’m revving up my engine to apply to jobs back north. I sort of thought wanting to move home would feel like a bigger failure than it’s turning out to feel – but I guess I’m just old enough now to know (and want) what makes me happy. Plus if I can move back to my parent’s house, or into my grandparent’s currently empty house – I would be able to pay off, conservatively, at least two of my loans this year. (On the flip side, staying here sans roommate would mean barely scraping by to make minimum payments.) And if, by May, I don’t have any leads or offers – I guess I’ll have to revisit looking for apartments or subleases. I know that I don’t have the luxury this time of being able to quit my job without something else lined up, so I have to do better this time. And while I’m not overly happy about moving again for the fourth time in a year, but I would rather make one move back up north than another move in town here and then ultimately move back since I know that’s what I really want.
* But I still love Ohio State. 🙂